It's all so confusing.
The fact that I feel so protective of him. Well that is... it's unsettling is what it is!. Unsettling to know that I have somehow come to care about someone else other than myself to the point of worrying myself sick. I want to scream.
The feeling of these bloody butterflies in my stomach is more than I can bear. Why him of all people? Why couldn't things just turn out as planned? I should be with a fellow Slytherin ... well with Blaise to be precise, as has been planned for so long now. I know that's what his Father wants.
It's what I wanted.
It's what I thought I wanted.
Sure Blaise is ... a somewhat arrogant, annoying, egotistical, conceited, narcisstic, presumptious, cocky ... self involved bastard - but he is pretty! And plainly he is, and never has been interested. I can't say I didn't try though.
I can't say I didn't arrange to get that French prat Marcus out of the picture. Because I'd only be lying to myself by doing so.
Everything is just becoming more complicated.
And yet I can't stop thinking about him.